I Grew Up Before I Healed

I grew up before I healed
Because while I loved him with everything I had
I gave up on the parts of me that mattered most
I had to lose myself to keep him
And he was too self-absorbed to notice
That I had become a shadow
Of the woman he once fell in love with

I grew up before I healed
I gave love without ever getting any in return
My heart, I would have surrendered to give him life
And I would have died with a smile on my face
Knowing I gave him my whole
He was okay with taking it all
Because he loved himself more than I loved me

I grew up before I healed
I took pride in the years spent together
And not the life lived together
I ignored the coldness in his embrace
And his silence when I needed his voice the most
I was so good at keeping him happy
That I forgot I owed it to myself first

I grew up before I healed
I am still learning to love myself
To embrace the parts of me that made me believe
That I was unworthy of wanting more
How was I to know that how I felt about him had
Nothing to do with how he actually made me feel
I am most afraid of returning to that old me
The girl who loved too much she lost herself

I grew up before I healed
So dear life, please take it easy on me
I am still learning to love myself
To rediscover the parts of me I hid to make someone else comfortable

I grew up before I healed
But the scars only hurt when it rains

Because I grew up before I healed

[I wrote this a couple of days ago for a stranger on my Facebook timeline i thought needed to hear these words…just to let her know that – I see you. You are not alone. I hope you keep growing and healing.]